Long-Distance Relationships: Intrusive Questions


People often ask me if I am married when they see a gold ring on my left finger. I smile and say “No, I’m busy”, or if I’m not really in the mood for details, I just say, “Yes”. I too have told people that it looks like a wedding ring, because it is gold and I have no “rock”. There is a reason why I don’t have a “rock” and the ring is pure 24 carat gold (which I’m always trying to not bend the band out of shape).

I am associated with a person from India, where gold is given great importance and is believed to be the best material for traditional wedding jewelry. The ring was a gift from my fiance’s mother and culturally and symbolically, her way of accepting me as her son’s future wife. It is not a custom every day for a man to bring home an American woman in his family and present her as his future wife.

Of course, when I mention that we are in a long distance relationship, I receive in the slot of questions and have been the most popular: “How did you meet?” “It must be really hard. How do you handle it? When are you getting married? Why doesn’t she just move here? Why do you go there? What does your family think about marrying a foreigner to you?” “

That is why I avoid telling my people the details of my relationships, especially those who ask these kinds of questions. It is clear that they cannot be open-minded and strive to understand finer details and have long-distance relationships. So ladies, this is how I handle these questions.

How did you meet

In the modern day world, more and more couples are meeting online through social media websites or even applications. The couple have met on Facebook, Instagram and even Twitter. My fiance happened to find my email on a website related to the search for work in Japan, so I like to reply to “That was my pen”, which is true, except that we exchanged emails vs. handwritten letters. -be provided. Honesty is your best policy in this measure and if the person asking does not understand how you have developed a relationship online and visiting, then it is their problem.

Or, you may have met while studying or working abroad or you had to return to your country when you were on vacation. Whatever your circumstances were, there is no reason to hide the truth.

It must be really hard. How do you handle it?

“We choose to handle it. I think my fiancĂ© is waiting until everything collapses and we can see each other every day. We communicate on a daily level and when we can Then try to arrange trips. ” When I am feeling sarcastic, sometimes I want to respond to long-distance relationships that are not for the weak-hearted or the needy. When you are not looking at each other and can see the events and deadlines that have taken place in a relationship, a strong heart is needed to pull those trips.

When are you getting married?

This is my favorite, because I really don’t know. Have you not heard of immigration laws? Or, maybe we are not ready to set a date?

Why doesn’t she go here?

Please see the reason above.

Why don’t you go there

Your reasons will vary, but once again I am sincerely honest to my questioner. “My fiance and I have no interest in living my life in India and because of my lifestyle and commitments I have to live in the USA.”

What does your family think about marrying a foreigner for you?

This has become one of the most outrageous questions and I am sure many people have experience with it in relationships. Why does it matter that my future spouse is from which country? This is a personal choice and maybe my family is not racist. My favorite response is: “They don’t care.”

I have to constantly remind myself that not everyone is able to understand the concept of long distance interracial relationships. Some people may be genuinely curious and do not realize the questions they ask may be considered quite intrusive or rude. Then, there are people who start to understand and whom I connect with and I have no objection to sharing details about my relationship and the person I love.

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