Changing Codependent Dynamics in Abusive Relationships


Many codependents are in abusive relationships with addicts or people with mental illness. Symptoms of codependency encourage lax mobility in these relationships, which in turn worsens codependent symptoms. This is understandable when we consider the definition of codependency and that codependent has a “lost self” in which their thinking and behavior revolve around someone else.

Due to loose parenting, codependents have lost contact with their ability to respond to their internal cues. They believe that they are inferior and that what they feel, think, need, and / or want is unimportant. This is their hidden shame. As a result, they hold an unconscious belief that they do not really deserve to be loved for who they are, but that they have to earn love. This causes basic insecurity and fear of abandonment.

Codependency occurs in childhood, which includes the main symptoms of shame (low self-esteem, denial, dependency control, including careless communication, and communicative limitations. Overcoming how these symptoms determine the phase of traumatic relationships. Acquired is explained in shame and codependency.

Role Code in Relationships

Because many codependents are alienated from their emotions, pretending to have an intimate relationship with an addict or mentally distracted person may feel energetic or familiar if they had a similar childhood. Additionally, addicts and people with alcoholic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD) are often charismatic and romantic. They can be seductive and bombard their codependent partners with gestures of praise, promise, and love. Codependents yearn for love and connection, and they love being desired. But their dependence and low self-esteem make them susceptible to seduction, and they confuse romance with genuine love.

Codependents face apprehensions of criticism, disapproval, and abandonment with what they perceive to be pleasing, pleasing, and helpful. Their partner defines the relationship, and they go together to achieve and maintain it. He admires the boldness, conviction and perceived strength of a narrator (qualities he lacks himself) and enjoys and feels a supporting role. With addicts and individuals with BPD, they are often in the roles of a facilitator and a nurturer. For codependents, love must be felt. It boosts their self-esteem and makes them believe that they will never be abandoned. However, addicts and people with NPD and BPD feel deeply ashamed, and they present their inner demons very personally to someone who loves and is trying to help them.

Codependents’ reactionary roles focus their attention on their partner, while hiding who they are. They increasingly try to control the uncontrollable, sacrifice themselves, and work hard to please and be accepted. Although previously idealized, they are now devalued. A person with BPD vaccinates between ideal-care behavior and devalued-reject behavior. Instead of working with BPD to the needy, people with NPD act unnecessarily and it can be remote and emotionally cold. Some may show friendship towards their partner, while others are constantly critical and contemptuous. The more love is loving or inconsistent, the more codependents try to win it, the more they become in a spin of turning their self-esteem and their partner’s sense of well-being. They never feel good, reinforcing their hidden shame.

How Disgusting Relationship Version Codependency

This unpublished contract works for a while as codependents provide protection and stability to an emotional, insecure addict or partner with BPD and missing warmth and connection to a partner with NPD. But due to their own insecurities and weak limitations, codefactors absorb shame by blame, guilt, and degrading. They feel powerless to help their partner and satisfy them, blamed for “mistakes”. They accuse and resent that their efforts are unattainable and unsuccessful. As the relationship deteriorates, so does the codependent’s own sense of self.

All symptoms of codependency contribute to the harrowing relationship, which worsens when untreated over time. As codependents dissociate themselves and enter later stages of their illness. Many traits that make a relationship work are undone.

Mobility in abusive relationships increases codependents’ stress and increases their efforts to please and help their partner. The reality of a person with an addiction or personality disorder also begins to infect codependents’ self-concept and perceptions of reality. Their self-esteem is lowered and they become more anxious and are trying to end a crisis, avoid abuse and have a relationship together.

Codependents move away from the actual solution while trying to adapt and control someone else so that they feel better. They hold a mistaken belief that they are responsible for their partner’s feelings and needs, while they are ignoring themselves. Their behavior reinforces their partner’s false belief that they are at fault and are responsible for her addiction and pain. The longer codependents do this, the worse it becomes. They both deny their own pain and prevent their partner from taking responsibility for her behavior, needs and feelings and getting help. This is called “enabling”. Codependents blind them to the fact that their beliefs and behavior contribute to their ill-health and they have options to change.

Changing mobility in abusive relationships

The answer is completely the opposite of that which comes naturally to codependents. I write from both my personal and professional experience. It is difficult to change dynamics in abusive relationships without outside support.

First and foremost another view of reality is visible, as partners become isolated and confused by the addictions, or the attacks, threats, and skewed reality of people with BPD or NPD. It is important for all of you to learn about addiction and these disorders as well as codependency. Change does not really begin until the participants focus on their own recovery, not in changing the other person, on whom they are essentially powerless. This does not mean that they have no power or choice, but it is on their own actions and lives.

Addiction, learning about BPD and NPD and accepting these truths on a deeper level enables them to separate and not react to what someone else decides to throw at them because they are in their skin Are uncomfortable. They begin to realize that although their words may hurt, they are not true. No need to leave or leave coaching. It is like an invisible, security force field. Instead of reacting, they learn to respect what they need, feel, and want. They want to meet the needs of those who are safe and supportive. As their confidence increases, they learn to be assertive. what is ours

Limitations improve, and they ask for what they want and set boundaries on what they don’t.

It is not easy, but their courage in recovery grows. They may be too strong to leave our partner for treatment or insist. Even if they don’t, they realize that their lives are happy, because they have acted out of their self-respect and sense of well-being.

Raising a child with BPD or NPD

Because codependents lack communication skills and limitations, parents react in an unexpected way to their troubled child. Their child is used to completing the show and often running without any responsibility. All children need boundaries With consistent results, Especially NPD and BPD ones. Sometimes parents fly away in frustration, which makes them feel guilty and embarrasses their child. To compensate, they can rely on cases that create a limit. Punishment and consequences should never be given in anger, but in talk, and ideally related to crime; For example, “If you throw away food, you should clean it (or leave the table).”

Children need to support and reflect their feelings, but not indulge. They are especially required to teach empathy and the effect of their behavior on others. It is important that it is modeled and their feelings respected. Let them know that their actions affect other people in positive or responsive ways. For example: “How will it feel if your friend steals your toy)? Will you be hurt or angry? What happens when your toy shares? When you take your friend’s toy, he won’t want to play with you . ” Children with BPD need to learn self-soothing techniques and take gradual steps towards independence and self-reliance.

Parents underestimate the power and leverage that their child has to behave, receive counseling, complete work, or seek employment. Often, they fear that their child with BPD will die or commit suicide. Their fear makes them easy to manipulate. By not reacting, children will realize that their manipulative strategy no longer works. However, it is very courageous for parents to remain stable. It is not easy to keep calm and love a child who is constantly disobedient, threatening and saying cruel things. Outside support is required. If addiction is involved, find a suitable meeting for relatives of drug users.

© 2019 DarleneLancer

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