Relationships have always fascinated me. ‘How to make them?’ ‘Why do they expire?’ I have spent a lot of time trying to learn the ins and outs. One thing that NEVER is talked about is that I like to say ‘power of proximity’. You never see it in movies because it will completely destroy the “soul mate” illusion. I am not trying to sound bitter nor do I have anything against love, but closeness plays a huge importance in relationships, it is rarely talked about and I want to discuss it today .
The power of proximity is basically how our physical condition / distance affects relationships. It affects how they are made and how they end. Long distance relationships never work. Proximity is the main reason for this. If you are not physically close to anyone or can spend time in someone’s company then obviously the attraction will fade. No amount of internet chat or video call can change real life face-to-face, skin-to-skin contact.
I remember from my secondary school that many relationships were formed because of closeness. I remember “Wow your other 500 million people on the planet (by gender and age) have been your ‘soul mate’ just as your class mate.” I remember that at this age I was very creepy with love. It seemed strange to me how many pairs were formed from secondary school. Perhaps my school was a twilight zone and could beat figures like 1: 500,000,000 for a dozen or more people.
In films, love is usually serious. In real life it is usually the facility that makes the relationship Be it through classmates, work, or a friend of a friend. When you are in intimacy with a person, you form. If you see someone at work then every day emotional relationships will develop.
Proximity also affects how often you see someone. If you live in the same city you can meet often and strengthen your relationship further. If you stay for one or two hours, the relationship will start to crack due to lack of physical contact and spending time with each other.
There is another aspect of closeness that I would like to touch upon. As I discuss, and I am sure you can think of many examples, many people from school or work form relationships together. These relationships fail, especially from school or university and this is because they do not have a solid foundation. By this I mean that the fundamental reason the couple got together was due to closeness and some mutual interest was expressed.
As time passes and these couples experience other aspects of life, they realize that they have little to do with their partner or ‘things have changed’. Imagine you tried vanilla ice cream and you liked it. It was the only ice cream available in your city and then one day you went on vacation and had chocolate ice cream. Despite your love for vanilla ice cream, you tried chocolate ice cream only to find that you loved it even more!
Well since there is only vanilla ice cream in your city, you have to settle for vanilla. If you still have the option of having chocolate ice cream in your city, it will be goodbye vanilla!
It is not about the race, just about experiencing something different. Suppose you were in a relationship at school, but then went to university in a different city or country and met some great new people. Your thoughts and values on life will definitely change. It will be impossible for you to be happy in your old relationship. Couples from my school who are still together (for almost 10 years !!) are still together because they never spent separate time together.
What to do with this:
Proximity is power in relationships. It is important for someone to be physical to develop a relationship with them. You can be as charming and funny as you want, but if you live so far away that the relationship becomes inconvenient, then you don’t miss a chance. The greater the physical distance, the more cracks that will form in the relationship.