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(904) 296-1038 |
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info@nilausa.org |
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For
digital stories from former foster youth click here.
http://www.cpyp.org/digitalstories.htm
"My Heart Cries "
A Poem by Makeisha Williams
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Every time I think about the
foster youth that are
Trying to make a decent life for themselves day by day
By facing the world with their heads held high
Holding steady jobs and going to school but
Cannot receive assistance and if there is assistance
It’s given to them at bare minimum
My
heart cries |
Daily I see the commercials about the children are our
future
But what only words are being said to help them there are
no actions
Or there are the commercials about starving kids in a third
world country but what
Are we doing to save our foster youth in America from ending
up in a world
Of poverty and homelessness
Isn’t it our places to take care of home before taking
care others?
There is no need to call me self centered or heartless
Because I have a heart because it cries everytime
Everytime I hear the story of some foster youth not surviving.
To all the people who say you care stand up and make a difference.
Let your voice be heard, adopt or foster a child,
because actions speak louder than words.
If your heart isn’t crying at the end that’s
to bad
Because my heart cries.
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"The Road"
A Poem by Sylvia, 17 Years Old
Written August 2, 2005 |
The Road I went,
Has been so long,
The time,
declined,
All the trying,
never crossed my mind,
why so long,
I don't belong, I
've spent enough time waiting
lately,
I've been blank,
Why do bad things happen to good people,
All this time wondering,
Why 7 years felt like forever,
I'm still struggling,
I have no choice,
But to move on,
I have all these questions,
And no answers,
I'm tired of waiting,
In my past I've been betrayed,
All this time I've been back-tracking,
Praying and staying,
Living and loving,
My whole life,
Has meant nothing to me,
It took awhile,
To realize,
All my dreams aren't real after all,
All I've wanted was to end up where
I've always wanted to be,
I've wanted to lay back and relax,
It took me awhile,
To realize,
How much attention I was really getting,
What did I cause for all this attention,
Was it really for me,
I'm working so hard,
To realize all these things,
I'll get it,
I just got to go for my dreams.
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Ashley Marie Rhodes-Courter was in foster care
from the time she was three years old until she was adopted
at age 12. She is currently in college and will soon publish
a book about her life.
The following is an excerpt from a speech she gave at
Growing Pains 2004, entitled “The Puzzles
of Our Pasts”: |
| Now that I am 18
and writing a book about my story, I journeyed back through
the files to find my past and discover who took care of
me and find answers to the questions about why I moved so
often and put names to the faces and images from my past.
In most families memories are made from stories that
are repeated over and over. My adopted family can talk
about a vacation in Colorado or the Christmas their son
received mice as a gift and each person adds their own
memory until the story is re-etched in everyone’s
mind. So even if someone has forgotten about the visit
to the ghost town or the rainbow over the gorge or how
the cat ate one of the mouse while the other one was delivering
a litter, there is someone else to fill in the blanks.
All I have is blanks.
Little by little I am recreating my history. Still, none
of us should have to be archeologists digging up our own
pasts. Part of the job of our caseworkers should have
been to gather this information for us. We all know the
reality. So, what’s the alternative?
First, find out what right you have to your records,
and when. There are different rules in different
states, but I think you are entitled to almost everything
in your file by the time you are 18, if not before that.
You might have to consult with an attorney or child advocacy
organization, but probably your caseworkers will start
you off.
I suggest photocopying everything! You
never know what you might want later. Then find someone
you trust who is not likely to move for a while and store
your box of goodies. If you have some technical expertise
or can find someone who can help you, you can scan your
documents into a computer. This is actually less costly
than photocopying. You can then burn several CDs for safekeeping
and put them in different locations. You can scan photographs
too and share them with siblings relatives.
Next, gather as many photographs as you can and
start taking them. Again, these can be scanned
into your computer file. People will be more willing to
loan precious pictures if they know they will get them
right back, so perhaps you can find foster families who
will let you do this or who can email you photos for your
file. Make sure they tell you everyone’s names,
the dates, and whatever else they remember about that
time.
I know that many foster parents are diligent about doing
life-books. I never had one. The most I ever got was a
falling-apart album. The bulk of the pictures were taken
in residential treatment because some of the staff was
good about taking pictures. Even so, that is only one
copy and with all the hurricanes lately (I was evacuated
from my college 3 times this year already), I am beginning
to wish I had a spare of my precious photographs and will
get started on my electronic album when I have some “spare
time.”
Some of you are thinking: this is an impossible task.
Well, I know how you feel. Anyone who has been in the
system long enough has been through a lot caseworkers
and moved often. You won’t find every piece. You
will look at the whole picture and see gaps and those
will be as frustrating as only having 300 pieces of a
500 piece puzzle. But, the more pieces you gather, the
more the picture will be visible. It’s a picture
of you, your life, and your journey from then to now.
I found some surprises in my past—some interesting,
some shocking—but I am glad I know them. When my
book comes out next year, you’ll get the whole story
of what happened to me and how I found my pieces. I hope
you find your journey as interesting—and rewarding—as
mine was.
To read Ashley’s biography and the complete
text of her speech click
here.
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Below is the story of a young lady who has been in foster
care for several years. She reports her journey through the trying
times and recognizes her accomplishments. An interesting, first
hand experience from the heart of a foster care child.
The ability to
survive in today's world is a great accomplishment, but
the ability to heal after surviving is an even greater accomplishment.
Trails like divorce, foster care, mental and physical abuse
are all things that I have had to survive. In the process,
I have learned how to heal and to move on with my life to
bigger and greater things.
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For the last nine
years of my life, I have been in foster care. I was eight
when I was placed in my first foster home. Since then I
have been in three other foster homes. From moving so much
I learned a lot about myself, and I also had to deal with
certain pressures: pressures from wanting to do well and
moving on to a better life, pressures from the other peers
that I had to live with, I even had many pressures coming
from the very families that I thought that I could count
on to love me for me.
Next to having to heal from moving away from my biological
family, I had to heal from physical abuse and mental abuse.
In my first home I was about nine or ten when the abuse
started. I had to deal with it. My faith in God and my will
to survive helped me through to my preteens. When the agency
moved me to my second home, I had to live with older teenagers.
They were big into drugs, premarital sex, and alcohol. At
that particular time in my life I was hungry for acceptance
and I as impressionable. I never got into that kind of stuff,
which is one thing that I am proud of myself for. My third
foster home I was again subject to mental abuse. I was constantly
compared to my foster sisters. I was never good enough for
my foster mother. I never tried to get out because I believed
that maybe if I worked harder, maybe some day she would
love me. |
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I finally left that situation, and I began my journey
of self-actualization. My fourth and final move was a
wonderful one. I work hard for my grades, and my faith
has grown tremendously. I know I am a survivor, but it
was my ability to heal that makes me who I am today. I
am able to move on from whatever life throws at me next.
I am able to relate to a lot of my peers now. I grow when
they grow. I am understanding, and I want to be a wonderful
person who is remembered for her strength as the girl
who overcame whatever life threw at her and defeated the
whole foster care aspect of her life, and now foster care
isn't so big and scary anymore.
By: Barbara, age 18
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Last modified Sat., December
04, 2004 - 02:23 AM
Originally created Saturday, December 4, 2004
Former foster child
tries to make the best
of his second chance
He says his success shows what helping others
can do,
but he's on the verge of losing his main income.
By WENDI GRIMES
University of North Florida
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Tyler Bacon, 19, is out of foster
care and is trying to make it on his own.
He is one of the leading voices of youths
who have been in the foster care system.
BRUCE LIPSKY/The Times-Union |
Tyler Bacon struggled through the foster care system
to become a focused student and public speaker.
But because of some changes beyond his control,
the 19-year-old could find himself once again without
a home.
Bacon said when he was 13 his parents referred to
him as the "devil kid," and a judge remanded
the troubled youth to the Juvenile Justice system.
A year later his parents' rights were terminated
by the court, causing his room at a juvenile detention
center to become his only home. He stayed there
another two years.
"It was terrible,
but it was better than living at home for me,"
Bacon said.
When he was released at age 16, he spent another
three months waiting for a foster family to accept
him. No one came forward.
"I was told
that no one would want a kid with my history,"
he said. "I thought in my mind, 'I'm a bad
kid.' I just blamed myself."
Bacon bounced between several group homes, unable
to fit in, before settling at Jacksonville Youth
Sanctuary. Bacon said once there, he began to change
from an angry youth into someone who could one day
make a difference.
That transformation began when he found his voice
as a member of the sanctuary's Youth Advisory Board,
a group of youngsters in foster care who discuss
potential changes to the system.
"I
was one of those kids who wasn't afraid to let you
know what's wrong," Bacon said. "That's
when people came to me and said, 'Tyler ... we need
you to let us know what's going on and what needs
to be changed and how we can help you.'"
Today, Bacon, who lives on his own in a small Jacksonville
apartment, represents several groups that discuss
the foster system. He is president of the
Voices Youth Board for Duval County and president
of the State Youth Advisory Board for Florida.
He's also pursuing a degree in psychology through
classes at Florida Community College at Jacksonville.
As a former ward of the state, Bacon receives free
college tuition. He also receives $892 a month from
the Road to Independence Scholarship, awarded to
foster youth who are living on their own and attending
college. Bacon uses the scholarship money and the
$200 a week he receives from a job at the Community
Partnership for Protection of Children to pay his
rent and utility bills.
Bacon's financial assistance, however, will soon
diminish considerably. Starting in January, a new
system will determine that Bacon qualifies for only
a fraction of his financial aid.
"They're
looking at me dropping from $892 a month to about
$160 a month," Bacon said. "That's a big
decrease and you know that's going to take a lot
of time for me to get used to."
Bacon's needs are basic. When his financial assistance
is reduced, he will need help paying bills and buying
food and clothes.
He currently relies on public transportation, but
he'll soon be able to get a driver's license. He'll
get use of a car through daniel Inc., a local social
service organization. But he'd have to pay for insurance,
which he wouldn't be able to afford.
"I was given a second chance for some
odd reason, and I've got to make the best of it,"
he said.
When Bacon isn't studying, he spends his free time
traveling across Jacksonville and Florida to speak
about the foster care system. Bacon also speaks
on behalf of the United Way to raise contributions
for their programs.
"My main thing
is I go and I tell my story," Bacon said. "I
tell what I've been through, how I'm making it and
what I'm doing now. And my main point is, everybody
likes to see results.
"When you put money into something,
you want to see a result from your donating money.
So I tell them, 'You want a result? I'm your result.'"
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A PERSONAL LOOK INTO
THE LIFE OF AFTERCARE
Lani Wolak
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My name
is Lani Wolak. I want to tell you a little bit about
myself. Let me start from the beginning. I have
seven brothers and sisters. I was two years old
when I remember being physically and sexually abused
for the first time. At the age of two my parents
were potty training me when I wet my pants. My mother
was so angry she took me into the kitchen and put
my arm in boiling water. My father witnessed the
act, but my mother pleaded with him that she was
sorry and would never do it again. My father did
nothing.
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At age twelve my
parents started to confine my sister and I
from the rest of the family. First we started
off on the kitchen steps. From there to the
top of the basement steps and then we were
locked in the basement. We were continuously
abused. Sexually by uncles, my parents, and
others. It wasn't much different for my siblings
either. It's hard to talk about the deep physical,
sexual and emotional pain we have suffered
and are today scarred by. |
Because of all the abuse I had a lot of marks on
my body. My parents decided to keep me home from
school. At age eleven all of my brothers and sisters
were pulled from school because the professionals
were asking a lot of questions. This gave my parents
reason to hurt me even more.
May 11, 1995. I was forced to watch my youngest
sister die. I was fourteen at the time.
My sister died from lack of medical attention. She
was sick for about a month. She continued to get
worse. When she was dying she would tell me that
she felt like she was drowning. Later we found out
that she had hypothermia pneumonia. She was the
baby of the family. We were all placed into Foster
Care. While in foster care my life did not get any
better. My foster parents kept the abuse going.
I lived in 10 foster homes in four years. They went
from temporary to permanent to residential placements.
In Foster Care I was not treated like part of their
family, I was an outcast.
In one family I remember the kids were allowed to
hit us and hurt us but if we did anything back we
would be in trouble. In another home the "family"
had home cooked meals, while my two sisters and
I ate soups and sandwiches.
While in High School I had many challenges. My Sophomore
year my family and I were about to be reunited.
I became very scared and told my counselor and caseworker
at the time the truth about the abuse I suffered
as well as my siblings. My parents were arrested
and we went to court. My parents are now incarcerated
for the death of my sister and for the abuse of
me and my seven siblings.
I never stopped going to school. While being in
school my Junior and Senior year I became Student
of the Year. I was also Student of the
Month during my senior year. Graduating from High
School got me through the tough times. I graduated
with my high school diploma on June 6, 1999.
On June 8, 1999 I was kicked out of my foster home
without a place to stay. My caseworker took me to
the P.A.L. Mission that day. It shocked me because
it wasn't like any other housing. The first night
I moved in we sat down to supper as a family. That
was a highlight for me. While I was at the P.A.L.
Mission I learned how to manage money, how to care
for myself, manage my household and my housing.
I also learned some of the most important
things in life. I AM IMPORTANT. Don't let
people hurt me and the most important thing that
stands out for me…when sitting down, eat together.
The holidays were special at P.A.L. The first Thanksgiving
at P.A.L we sat down and gave thanks for all we
did have. I didn't know what to do. It was the first
time I remember celebrating Christmas. I went from
not having a Christmas to a really big one.
These days I've been invited to a P.A.L staff member's
home. I have adopted the P.A.L. house as my family.
While at the P.A.L. Mission I also accepted God.
I participate in a lot of church activities and
teach Sunday school for 3rd, 4th and 5th graders.
I also teach older kids about the Bible. With the
help of P.A.L I plan to return to school and get
my degree in education. I would like to become a
teacher. I also plan to start a family of my own
some day and treat them with respect and unconditional
love.
I believe my parents tried to make my life bad.
But God had a different plan for me and he has turned
bad into good.
Lani Wolak, age 21 |
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